Why We Do It!
How many reasons can You find not to exist?
I was happily married with three gorgeous teenage daughters, a beautiful home and an enviable lifestyle. I felt worthless. I would write long lists of reasons why I was a waste of space and breathing oxygen that somebody else could use. Most of the time I kept up a facade. My time as an actress came in handy at last and I played the happy extrovert to the hilt. Then the cracks started to appear. I plastered over them but they just got bigger and one day a huge great cavern appeared and I walked out of the family home. I had no idea why or where I was going but I knew that everything would be better if I wasn’t in the way.
About eight hours and a police helicopter search later and I was brought home. I didn’t want to come home, not because I didn’t love my family, I loved them far more than I ever loved myself, but because I didn’t know what to say or do to explain why I had walked out. When I saw the faces of my daughters, three young women who didn’t know if they would ever see their mother again I knew I had to make a change in my life. I decided that I would be happy. I didn’t know how I was going to do it but I was never ever going to put myself, or more importantly my family through that pain ever again.
I treated myself as a project. I made plans, I researched, I undertook experiments and exercises. I kept notes and wrote up results of my tests. I noted what worked for me and compared on line with what had worked for other people. After about six months I realised that I was no longer observing the project I was the project. I was content, yes I had my ups and downs but no more than anybody else. I still had moments of self doubt but not the kind that made me question my very existence. I gradually started to share my results and discovered that far from being the only person in the world who wondered what on earth they were supposed to do with their life and question their value, I was in fact one of many.
Are you so busy existing that you’ve forgotten how to live? Time to stop “running on empty”
Most of us are very wise after the fact, hindsight gives us a perfect position to see where we went wrong. At the time, however, we are so busy living our lives that we fail to notice the experience. The phrase “I just kept going until I was living on empty” is one heard by coaches and counsellors across the globe. Suddenly we wake up and think “is this really what I want? Can I go on like this?” The answer is invariably “no”, but identifying the alternative can be so overwhelming that it is easier to continue, however painfully, along the same path than stop and look for another.
I turned my life around at the tender age of 50. At times I wondered if it was worth pursuing a completely different life path at such a late stage in life. Twelve months on I can tell you it was, it is worth doing at 25 or 75. There is no reason at all why anybody should believe that there is not another path, nor that they have to find that path on their own.
I encourage and support you to think outside the outside of the box. I encourage you to develop the creative right side of your brain and to open your eyes to opportunities and doors that have always been there but you haven’t noticed before. Coaching is not about changing your life but about changing how you respond to what happens in your life and there is no better way to get a fresh perspective than by getting a fresh pair of eyes to look from a different angle.
then you need LifeCycles
“If you decide to work with Gillian don’t expect her to come to you with a one-solution-fits-all formula. What struck me straight away was how Gillian considered me, my home and our lifestyle. She wanted to know what I want from a home. I soon realised why my previous efforts had all failed – I was trying to fit my home into someone else’s way of going about things. What I needed was a personalised solution, something that worked for me – and that’s what Gillian helped me to discover.”
It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.