Is your life being drained by a crazymaker?
I am a great fan of Audrey Hepburn, as an actress (I can watch the Nun’s Story on loop), a humanitarian and although I never met her she seemed a jolly decent person. But I absolutely disagree with one of her more famous quotes.
“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.”
Few of us go out of our way to remove people from our lives. It is never easy, however much somebody may have hurt you or abused your trust, if you cared about them enough to let them into your life it is going to be painful to extract them.
However, it is not these people, the hurters/abusers/deceivers that I am addressing. They are easily identified and however painful it may be to let them go you will undoubtably have plenty of support in so doing.
No, today I want to introduce you to the crazymaker. I first came across the term when I was reading The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I have seen the term used countless times since but I think she is probably credited with the definition so it is her’s I will use.
A crazymaker is like the eye in the middle of a storm, they stand at the centre and everybody flies around them, the chorus and supporting cast to their Diva. They feed on the energy of the people around them, but what makes them so clever is that somehow they manage to make you feel as if they are the ones supporting you.
How do you spot a crazymaker?
Crazymakers break deals and destroy schedules: They are the ones who agree to come on holiday with you and at the last minute change their arrival time and you have to drive back to the airport two days later to pick them up. They are the ones who book the tickets for the theatre and surprise you with an upgrade to the stalls but still expect you to pay for the excess.
Crazymakers expect special treatment: They are the ones who say, “I don’t want to be a bother but…..” and then comes the long list of requirements that put you out. The special ingredients in a meal, the ailments that appear just when you are about to achieve something important and so distract from you back towards them.
Crazymakers discount your reality: Their time is paramount yours is not. They are the ones who drop by unexpectedly because they are free. They are the ones who assume that as you work from home you are available 24/7.
Crazymakers spend your time and money: They are the ones who never have the change for the parking, or the “quick coffee” (which takes your time as well). They are the ones who say “if you are in town then could you pick me up at 6?”, when they know full well you finish at 5.00 and will have to hang around, “it’s only an hour – you could have some me time and grab a coffee” they say with a smile on their face.
Crazymakers triangulate those whom they deal with: The crazymaker needs your energy in order to thrive. They throw you off kilter emotionally with little asides and insinuations, often followed up with “but of course I know it’s not true” because of course they are on your side ….
Crazymakers are expert blamers: The fault is never theirs. They are the ones who get along famously with a project but when it goes wrong the fault always lies elsewhere. Spot the crazymaker by the number of broken relationships they leave behind them.
Crazymakers create drama where it is least needed: They need to be the centre of attention. They are the ones who call you to pick over their last date minute by minute and demand your opinion on whether he or she really loves them when you need to drive across the country to collect your daughter from an emergency hospital admission. Your dramas and concerns are mere trivia compared to what is vital for them.
Crazy makers have only one schedule – theirs: and they tend to keep it to themselves, so the day you have to have the car because you always take five children to swimming and gymnastics after school every week, they announce with no warning that they are driving to a meeting because the train is inconvenient.
Crazymakers hate order: While you create space and order for your own work and projects the crazymaker invades. Whether they use your recently cleared desk to sort their filing or “borrow” books you have set aside for research, the ultimate result is your order is disrupted.
Crazymakers deny all the above: back to the fact that nothing is their fault, they deny any responsibility for broken promises, disrupted schedules, drama scenes and so forth, because the fault is not theirs.
So Miss Hepburn. On this I will disagree. There are some people who suck the life out of you and it is possible that they may change or that they will behave differently with somebody else, but so long as they behave that way with me I don’t have the time to wait for them to change. This may be my last day on earth and I have no intention of spending it with somebody whose only agenda is their own.